Jack Meoff
Mopar Maniac
A TERRIFYING MADE FOR TV MOVIE BASED ON TRUE EVENTS!
Scene #1
I'm having breakfast in my local greasy spoon. I finish and go to the counter to pay and the owner sees me and says, "Hey, you're the guy who likes old cars right?" "yeah, I like old cars", I reply. He says "Here, call dis guy", Uhhh... Ok". I reply, i go home and look at the number. I think to myself...I don"t really need another car..... next thing I'm calling the guy. "Hi there, do you have a car for sale"? "Ya...I got car." he says. I quickly figure out that this guy is from a more Euro climate. Turns out he's Croatian and his language ratio is about 98% croatian and 2% english. "I come look at car" I say, working on my Croatian, "OK you come now" he says, Not one to pass up an opportunity I hop in my 5th ave., and go over, I meet buddy at the door, he's an old timer and says "Come to garage". He opens it up and there it is. A 1979 Dodge Diplomat. One owner car, 61,000 km's on the clock. The car has had a repaint (not a great one either) but otherwise mint and kept in a garage. She hasn't been started in six years but hey, it's a 318. This thing will go. I make an offer and shake on the deal. "I come Saturday to get car". (more english/croatian).
Scene #2
My good buddies Eastyorker and Mopar Envy (alias Frank) meet me there. we're ready to rock, Pump jacks, air compressor, you name it we got it, We're ready! I knock on buddy's door, he answers and I say "How you doing? We get car now." He says Ok, you give me money," I say "Ok... you give me ownership." (Massive gap of silence) He says "Hahhh? I say "Ownership,,,I need ownership." I take mine out of my wallet and show it to him. He ponders a while and says "No...I throw out." (Another massive gap of silence) "You what?" I say. "I throw out", he replies. I try to explain to him that without the ownership, I can't buy the car. He's a suspicious old man who now thinks I'm backing out. "You no want car?, You go way!" he says. "Whoa!. I want car!... I figure out, I call you" I reply. I call the ministry of Ontario and they tell me if I get a letter from this guy giving me permission, I can get him a new ownership. BONUS!
Now I have to figure out how to get a suspicious old croatian guy to sign a letter that he won't understand...then it hits me... GOOGLE TRANSLATE! I type in what I need the old timer to do...hit translate and BAMMO! there it is in his home tounge. I bring it over, he reads it and signs the letter.
S-W-E-E-T! We're on our way.
Scene #3
I go to the ministry happy as a fly on you know what. The line up doesn't seem that bad. EXCEPT there's an old dude behind me who has obviously filled his depends. He absolutely reeks like piss. Oh well,what do I care I'll have my ownership soon enough. Then I can do this deal....
35 minutes later (after enjoying the delicate aroma of crystalizing urine), I'M NEXT! After waiting roughly 10 minutes and noticing that all the tellers aren't looking up, one of them says "All of our computers are down, you'll all have to come back later". OK, this ain't f**cking funny anymore. I'm starting to get the feeling the gods are trying to tell me something. I leave. I call back an hour later. "Are your computers working now"? "Yes". SCREW THE GODS I'M GETTING THIS BLOODY CAR" I say to myself. Went back, got the ownership. Called the old timer, told him we'd be there Saturday.
Scene #4
Went Saturday with my buds, pumped the tires, they held air. Wheels were seized, couldn't push her out. So, ( much to the dismay of DrLebaron, my buddy Frank (Mopar Envy) went and got his Suburban, I wrapped a big ass rope around the axle, we gave her a tug and out she came. CAA towed her to Eastyorkers. After about 10 minutes, Frank looked at me and said "This thing's gonna start. We put booster cables on it, Eastyorker poured a pile of gas into the carb and Go Figure.... She fired up! She didn't exactly run beautiful and eventually we could smell the crappy gas hit the carb, BUT HEY, after 6 years in the grave, she's willing to go. We'll Git-R-Dun!
Epilogue
I got the car. She's mine now. You've seen the before's. (Captain Caravelle's new acquisition). I'll post the after's when she's done. Where's that can of Tremclad?
Special Thanks to Eastyorker and Mopar Envy!... Guys, couldn't have done it without ya!
Scene #1
I'm having breakfast in my local greasy spoon. I finish and go to the counter to pay and the owner sees me and says, "Hey, you're the guy who likes old cars right?" "yeah, I like old cars", I reply. He says "Here, call dis guy", Uhhh... Ok". I reply, i go home and look at the number. I think to myself...I don"t really need another car..... next thing I'm calling the guy. "Hi there, do you have a car for sale"? "Ya...I got car." he says. I quickly figure out that this guy is from a more Euro climate. Turns out he's Croatian and his language ratio is about 98% croatian and 2% english. "I come look at car" I say, working on my Croatian, "OK you come now" he says, Not one to pass up an opportunity I hop in my 5th ave., and go over, I meet buddy at the door, he's an old timer and says "Come to garage". He opens it up and there it is. A 1979 Dodge Diplomat. One owner car, 61,000 km's on the clock. The car has had a repaint (not a great one either) but otherwise mint and kept in a garage. She hasn't been started in six years but hey, it's a 318. This thing will go. I make an offer and shake on the deal. "I come Saturday to get car". (more english/croatian).
Scene #2
My good buddies Eastyorker and Mopar Envy (alias Frank) meet me there. we're ready to rock, Pump jacks, air compressor, you name it we got it, We're ready! I knock on buddy's door, he answers and I say "How you doing? We get car now." He says Ok, you give me money," I say "Ok... you give me ownership." (Massive gap of silence) He says "Hahhh? I say "Ownership,,,I need ownership." I take mine out of my wallet and show it to him. He ponders a while and says "No...I throw out." (Another massive gap of silence) "You what?" I say. "I throw out", he replies. I try to explain to him that without the ownership, I can't buy the car. He's a suspicious old man who now thinks I'm backing out. "You no want car?, You go way!" he says. "Whoa!. I want car!... I figure out, I call you" I reply. I call the ministry of Ontario and they tell me if I get a letter from this guy giving me permission, I can get him a new ownership. BONUS!
Now I have to figure out how to get a suspicious old croatian guy to sign a letter that he won't understand...then it hits me... GOOGLE TRANSLATE! I type in what I need the old timer to do...hit translate and BAMMO! there it is in his home tounge. I bring it over, he reads it and signs the letter.
S-W-E-E-T! We're on our way.
Scene #3
I go to the ministry happy as a fly on you know what. The line up doesn't seem that bad. EXCEPT there's an old dude behind me who has obviously filled his depends. He absolutely reeks like piss. Oh well,what do I care I'll have my ownership soon enough. Then I can do this deal....
35 minutes later (after enjoying the delicate aroma of crystalizing urine), I'M NEXT! After waiting roughly 10 minutes and noticing that all the tellers aren't looking up, one of them says "All of our computers are down, you'll all have to come back later". OK, this ain't f**cking funny anymore. I'm starting to get the feeling the gods are trying to tell me something. I leave. I call back an hour later. "Are your computers working now"? "Yes". SCREW THE GODS I'M GETTING THIS BLOODY CAR" I say to myself. Went back, got the ownership. Called the old timer, told him we'd be there Saturday.
Scene #4
Went Saturday with my buds, pumped the tires, they held air. Wheels were seized, couldn't push her out. So, ( much to the dismay of DrLebaron, my buddy Frank (Mopar Envy) went and got his Suburban, I wrapped a big ass rope around the axle, we gave her a tug and out she came. CAA towed her to Eastyorkers. After about 10 minutes, Frank looked at me and said "This thing's gonna start. We put booster cables on it, Eastyorker poured a pile of gas into the carb and Go Figure.... She fired up! She didn't exactly run beautiful and eventually we could smell the crappy gas hit the carb, BUT HEY, after 6 years in the grave, she's willing to go. We'll Git-R-Dun!
Epilogue
I got the car. She's mine now. You've seen the before's. (Captain Caravelle's new acquisition). I'll post the after's when she's done. Where's that can of Tremclad?
Special Thanks to Eastyorker and Mopar Envy!... Guys, couldn't have done it without ya!
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