Favorite stand-up comedy jokes?

Jokes / Humor / Funny Stuff

  1. SlantSixSullivan

    SlantSixSullivan Well-Known Member

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    "I was driving down the street and I saw a gas station with two signs in the window: Help wanted and self service. So I went in and hired myself." -Steven Wright

    So I'm falling asleep at work, I hope this thread takes off.
     
  2. Justwondering

    Justwondering Well-Known Member

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    Not a joke -- but I was out working on the cordwood walls for the house. Here a scream of agony.
    I go check and apparently the pump froze and there is no water to flush toilets, wash dishes or take showers.
    No joke.
    I'm now hauling water upstairs to clean up things until I can get parts tomorrow.
    Just got back from getting a new pump.

    So today was like the gods playing a joke on me. lol
     
  3. SlantSixSullivan

    SlantSixSullivan Well-Known Member

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    Your pump froze? In Texas? I'm in Ohio, and *knocks on wood* luckily I've never had my pump freeze! Now, I have had water lines freeze.. (single wide trailer). Crawl under the porch with a torpedo heater and some heat tape... Fun!
     
  4. Justwondering

    Justwondering Well-Known Member

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    Wheel bearings seized up. Didn't get cold, got hot/rusted/or lubrication failed.

    Always refer to it as frozen since I can't rotate the motor manually. But I can see how frozen might lead you to the 'too cold' concept.

    You have my admiration for crawling under the porch in cold weather. That is one cold sucker to resolve in bad weather.
     
  5. SlantSixSullivan

    SlantSixSullivan Well-Known Member

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    Gotta do what ya gotta do to get yourself a hot shower!
     
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  6. Aspen500

    Aspen500 Well-Known Member

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    I know this is on here already but here's a whole bunch of stand up comedy jokes while sitting down:
     
  7. Greg55_99

    Greg55_99 Well-Known Member

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    Here's a good one:

    "Know anybody from East Liverpool Ohio?"
    "Well... yeah.."
    "Boy, that's a shame..."

    Greg <- From East End in Liverpool.....
     
  8. Aspen500

    Aspen500 Well-Known Member

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    "Got any nude pictures of your wife?"
    "No"
    "Want some?"

    Author unknown.
     
  9. volareandgtcat

    volareandgtcat Well-Known Member

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    Something something .. we were so poor growing up if I wasn't born a boy I wouldn't of had anything to play with. Was hoping to hear that one.
    Good ole Rodney !!
     
  10. SlantSixSullivan

    SlantSixSullivan Well-Known Member

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    Now THAT is some funny stuff. I'm only 21, so I hope to appreciate this type of humor in 50 years!
     
  11. SlantSixSullivan

    SlantSixSullivan Well-Known Member

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    Hey! Small world after all! I'm over in Glenmoor, just outside Calcutta. It really is a drag living here, but it's home I suppose