Quality Neighbors

[Jack Meoff]

Well for the second time in a couple of months...
One of my lovely neighbors has called the parking enforcement to ticket the cars on my street
Mine being one of them.
I have no idea who it is...so I thought I'd drop a letter in all the mailboxes on my street to try to make contact with the offending party.

Here's my letter...

*A message to the neighbor who has been calling the parking enforcement....

If you are not this person, please disregard this letter and kindly place it in your blue bin.

If you are this person, please read on and ponder my thoughts to you. Although in some myopic, twisted way I'm sure you feel you're performing some kind of worthwhile public service...what you are really doing is pissing off your fellow neighbors. You see..I live on this street and need to park my car...which I do ON MY OWN STREET! I have now received my second parking ticket.... On top of all of the other things I have to deal with and worry about in my daily life, now I have to worry about whether someone...one of my neighbors at that...is calling the parking enforcement. Why? Not really sure....maybe you don't like the color of some of the cars?, maybe you don't like cars in general?...can't really figure it out myself. But the reality in the real world (something you might not have a solid grip on) is...people need to park their cars somewhere. If I had a driveway or a garage I would gladly put it there...but I don't so I'm forced to park it on the street....a street I live on in a neighborhood that I grew up in and pay taxes in.

One might think your diligence in parking policing may come from your general lack of anything better to do except peer out of your window and decide that it's time you put your gangrene laden foot down and do something about all those dang cars....

Might I suggest something more useful to the public wellbeing? Like learning the detailed intricacies of colonic irrigation? That way you could perform one on yourself and possibly remove the 2 X 4 that's apparently lodged in your rectum. Other than that...I can only hope to meet you in person one day so we can have an in depth chat about why you're such asshole.

We all live here, we all need to park and what we don't need is somebody calling the ticket cops all the time for the sole purpose of making the rest of our lives a drag.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration in this matter...

Yours truly,
A pissed off neighbor.

What do you think?
Too subtle?

 

[slant6billy]

Sucks ass. I had that shit years ago when I lived in a small metro area. I solved it by getting a parking permit. Don't know if your area is set up like that- it does not sound it. My college friend had a license plate from the boneyard he would stick on his cars when parked on the street. In Phila, lots of folks have their tag in the back window, or cut up tag and mangled tag. They put a sticker on it that represents registration, thus gets stolen by thieves when they mangle the tag. There has to be a way to find out who it is that is fucking with you. Good luck

 

[kitcar Chris]

Little lengthy for the A-hole that is prob calling it in. They prob won't understand 80% of the words. You may want to include some pics!!:blob1:

I"M GLAD I LIVE IN THE COUNTRY AND HAVE A GARAGE!!!!

sorry for that..............

 

[Jack Meoff]

Sucks ass. I had that shit years ago when I lived in a small metro area. I solved it by getting a parking permit. Don't know if your area is set up like that- it does not sound it. My college friend had a license plate from the boneyard he would stick on his cars when parked on the street. In Phila, lots of folks have their tag in the back window, or cut up tag and mangled tag. They put a sticker on it that represents registration, thus gets stolen by thieves when they mangle the tag. There has to be a way to find out who it is that is fucking with you. Good luck

Thanks man....I think I figured out who it is.
Some crotchety old bastard who gets pissed when somebody parks in front of his house...one of those. I'll have a chat with him when I see him. The drag is he calls on the one guy so while they're there they do the whole street.
Our street is designated as three hours only. Screwed...but that's Toronto for ya.
So....buddy calls, they come and chalk your tires and if it hasn't moved in three hours....Bingo...you're a winner.
I've actually helped the guy with his car....he's.....misguided.
I'll talk to him and hopefully all will be well again.
I did show some of my neighbors the letter.
They seemed to like it.

 

[Jack Meoff]

Little lengthy for the A-hole that is prob calling it in. They prob won't understand 80% of the words. You may want to include some pics!!:blob1:

I"M GLAD I LIVE IN THE COUNTRY AND HAVE A GARAGE!!!!

sorry for that..............

Sure....rub it in. :icon_rolleyes:

You're right....might be over his head
But I was hoping family members could convey the gist to him.
Dad.....you're a dick. :violent1:

 

[Yellowdart69]

There's one on every street.

 

[Jack Meoff]

There's one on every street.

Too bad....I was really hoping to drop that letter off to all my neighbors.

 

[alfatar]

You could always google on ways to annoy your neighbor. There is some nasty ideas I have seen in the past. You could invite him to the trailer for a beer and when he needs to pee leave him in the woods like they do to cats and dogs around my house.

 

[slant6billy]

Currently I have enough driveway and garage and yard for STUFF with wheels on it: Parts cars, trailers, rearends with rollers.... you name it. I do have a neighbor who might get pissy with my shit. From the front of my house, no one can see what is going on in the back yard. Lots of trees, shrubs, and bushes. This particular dude was out of line 6 months ago. His kids were being smart asses and my wife asked them to move it along. The kids gave her some back talk. She yelled at them. He apparently came looking to have a talk with my wife. He asked me to have a "Talk with my wife" and that he would appreciate it if she did not yell at kids. ......... I know some would think- knock this douce on his ass. Well my 5 year old was present at the time. So I did the, " Hi my name is Bill I'm you neighbor... we haven't had a chance to talk" ... and some other over friendly bullshit. Now, this dude has only lived on my street for 2 years and has pissed off 3 other neighbors. His latest: a portable basketball court in the street against the curb. And yes, his kids have managed to bounce a ball more than once off my Van or my other neighbors cars. I won't yell at the kids when it happens next. He might want to take it down after my local PD hits him with the ordinance fine- cause after that.... I drag it down into the woods. We'll see who can be the bigger dickhead on that one ... for sure.

 

[Jack Meoff]

Currently I have enough driveway and garage and yard for STUFF with wheels on it: Parts cars, trailers, rearends with rollers.... you name it. I do have a neighbor who might get pissy with my shit. From the front of my house, no one can see what is going on in the back yard. Lots of trees, shrubs, and bushes. This particular dude was out of line 6 months ago. His kids were being smart asses and my wife asked them to move it along. The kids gave her some back talk. She yelled at them. He apparently came looking to have a talk with my wife. He asked me to have a "Talk with my wife" and that he would appreciate it if she did not yell at kids. ......... I know some would think- knock this douce on his ass. Well my 5 year old was present at the time. So I did the, " Hi my name is Bill I'm you neighbor... we haven't had a chance to talk" ... and some other over friendly bullshit. Now, this dude has only lived on my street for 2 years and has pissed off 3 other neighbors. His latest: a portable basketball court in the street against the curb. And yes, his kids have managed to bounce a ball more than once off my Van or my other neighbors cars. I won't yell at the kids when it happens next. He might want to take it down after my local PD hits him with the ordinance fine- cause after that.... I drag it down into the woods. We'll see who can be the bigger dickhead on that one ... for sure.

I have many ideas for t shirts.....
My latest is a black shirt with white lettering that says

You're a dickhead
Prove me wrong

I've met so many jerkoffs it's not funny.
It's a shame it's illegal to lay a beating on a lot of them.

 

[80 Aspen RT]

There's one on every street.

Thats for sure!

Sorry to hear about the shit with the neighbor Captain.

I can't stand my ex-cop neighbor, he's the biggest friggen moron I know.

 

[Jack Meoff]

Thats for sure!

Sorry to hear about the shit with the neighbor Captain.

I can't stand my ex-cop neighbor, he's the biggest friggen moron I know.

When I see the old guy I'll have a chat with him and see if I can get through to him...
You never know he might see the light....
Hopefully the potato-esque little moron has surpassed the intelligence level of ground beef enough to understand what I'm trying to convey to him...
We'll see....

 

[My imp]

Had the same shit when we lived in Fla. used to have a FOP (F*cking Old Pr*ck) that lived a Ross the street from us, & would come ask me to troubleshoot & give him a price on fixing his car. I'd troubleshoot & give a free estimate, which he took up to his regular mechanic to chisel his prices down, "I've got a guy that will do it for bla,bla,bla" the mechanic would fix his car for my price. 3 times this asshole did this before I told him to just take it to the guy & stop wasting my time. His response was to turn me into zoning! He & his FOP wife & hisself would open their drapes as soon as I got home, & if it wasn't my car, he'd rat on me. I told him if his life was that boring, I'd lend him my 12 ga. & he could tell me how many licks it took to get to the lead filled center. 5 minutes later my yard was filled with Port Charlotte's finest. He said I threatened him with a shot gun! There's one on every street,there's NOTHING that will appease these asshole eaters, so I stopped trying before I end up in jail, or have a heart attack!

 

[Jack Meoff]

Had the same shit when we lived in Fla. used to have a FOP (F*cking Old Pr*ck) that lived a Ross the street from us, & would come ask me to troubleshoot & give him a price on fixing his car. I'd troubleshoot & give a free estimate, which he took up to his regular mechanic to chisel his prices down, "I've got a guy that will do it for bla,bla,bla" the mechanic would fix his car for my price. 3 times this asshole did this before I told him to just take it to the guy & stop wasting my time. His response was to turn me into zoning! He & his FOP wife & hisself would open their drapes as soon as I got home, & if it wasn't my car, he'd rat on me. I told him if his life was that boring, I'd lend him my 12 ga. & he could tell me how many licks it took to get to the lead filled center. 5 minutes later my yard was filled with Port Charlotte's finest. He said I threatened him with a shot gun! There's one on every street,there's NOTHING that will appease these asshole eaters, so I stopped trying before I end up in jail, or have a heart attack!

Wow! What a jerkoff.
Yellowdart's right...there's one on every street.
When I was in my early twenties I lived in an apartment building.
My Stupidintendant was a total wipe...just a miserable prick.
He had this shitbox Ford van that he used to polish the bloody hubcaps on almost every day.
He really pissed me off about something one day...can't remember what now.
He was a short little puke...couldn't even come close to seeing over his van.
One night I went in the back lot where it was parked with a step ladder..
I painted a huge white dick on the roof of it.
I cried laughing so hard just thinking about traffic helicopters seeing this massive white dick driving down the road...I could see it from my balcony everyday....man that was funny.
The guy obviously pissed off a lot of people cause it would seem that nobody ever told him. I lived there for a year and a half and the white schlong never did leave his stupid van...guess no one else felt like telling him either.
Gotta wonder how long he drove around like that.

 

[My imp]

I have someone I have to deal with time to time that fits all the above criteria. Somewhere in life she feels slighted, so she takes it out on the world. I fell into the "love to hate you" category with this person, until my sister-in-law said these people are to be pitied. BITCH! I was quite comfortable in my hate & then she went & screwed it up for me! BITCH! Whenever possible I try to ignore the BS she makes up to help herself feel better about herself, even when it's directed at me, or, my family. Like my Dad always says, "it takes all kinds to make the world go around!"

 

[My imp]

Currently I have enough driveway and garage and yard for STUFF with wheels on it: Parts cars, trailers, rearends with rollers.... you name it. I do have a neighbor who might get pissy with my shit. From the front of my house, no one can see what is going on in the back yard. Lots of trees, shrubs, and bushes. This particular dude was out of line 6 months ago. His kids were being smart asses and my wife asked them to move it along. The kids gave her some back talk. She yelled at them. He apparently came looking to have a talk with my wife. He asked me to have a "Talk with my wife" and that he would appreciate it if she did not yell at kids. ......... I know some would think- knock this douce on his ass. Well my 5 year old was present at the time. So I did the, " Hi my name is Bill I'm you neighbor... we haven't had a chance to talk" ... and some other over friendly bullshit. Now, this dude has only lived on my street for 2 years and has pissed off 3 other neighbors. His latest: a portable basketball court in the street against the curb. And yes, his kids have managed to bounce a ball more than once off my Van or my other neighbors cars. I won't yell at the kids when it happens next. He might want to take it down after my local PD hits him with the ordinance fine- cause after that.... I drag it down into the woods. We'll see who can be the bigger dickhead on that one ... for sure.

The old "You first, after me" routine. They're oblivious, or just don't give a shit who, or whom they piss off, as long as it doesn't interfere with whatever they're doing. Inconsiderate, inbred, imbecilic, morons!

 

[Jack Meoff]

Apparently the games have begun.
Just a fluke...I go look out my window on my way to bed.
I see the parking enforcement drive down my street.
So I throw on my boots and go for a stroll....
Sure enough everyone's tires are chalked.
Nobody is parked in front of my idiot neighbors house and all his lights are off.
So what does this tell me?
It tells me that our quiet little previously unknown sidestreet
Is now a newly found cash grab for the local ticket guy.
I moved the Volare so hopefully I don't have yet another ticket tomorrow.
I'm doubting he'll come back two more times just to give me a $15 ticket
And the neighbors I like....I wiped the chalk off their tires so here's hoping.
The major PITA now is I need to find a parking spot for the Volare
Because I suspect this will now become the norm.

 

[My imp]

Had this in Lakewood, Oh. The house we were renting at the time didn't have a driveway. We had to park on the street. After paying a few tickets, I parked where my driveway SHOULD have been. That's an even LARGER fine, parking on the lawn is severely frowned upon! That's what the "racially impaired" people do! The police told me if I wanted to park on the lawn, move to Cleveland with the "racially impaired", we don't do that in Lakewood! Keep a ton of tire shine on your wheels & tires so the chalk hopefully won't stick? Do you get any discount if you bring your own wig & lipstick to court? Good to see your tax loonies are hard at work! You have to pay for that free health care somehow! lol

 

[Jack Meoff]

Yes indeed...
They tax our taxes up here. And yes...we have to pay for all the free healthcare that's enjoyed by all the people who fall off boats daily. If you've ever gone to actually fill a prescription you quickly learn that's it not really all that free...unless you fell off a boat and are on welfare. If you were actually born here and work for a living....God help you.
I've heard about cooking spray and tire shine but I figure these guys have ways around that by now. Hell...everyone has a cell phone with a camera now so I'm sure they're onto that.
I'm pretty good at raising hell. Think I'm gonna make a call to my local MP and ask the brainless broad where exactly she thinks I should park....maybe her driveway??? Either way it's just a royal pain in the ass....

 

[My imp]

I was told to put in a driveway. I told them I was renting. They told me tough shirt, get your landlord to put put one in. Tickle my ass with a feather so we can ALL get a good laugh out of that one. Try getting a landlord to change a lightbulb on his dime, let alone a paved driveway! I'd have been lucky to have him chalk line a driveway in! Municipalities don't like giving up their sugar daddies & mamas so easily. Good luck Cap'n.