AJ/FormS
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Apr 26, 2016
- Messages
- 1,292
- Reaction score
- 306
Man this place is busy, I can hardly get a word in edgewise! lol.
What's up with these days? Do I need to make an appointment? Hello? Anybody here? Helloooooooooo..........looooo....looo.
Listen, I need something to do, or else I get fat and lazy. Somebody, somewhere has got to be needing help on something! Ask me anything.
It doesn't have to be just car related; I know some Bible stuff too.
I can do plumbing, carpentry, and basic household electrical.
I'm no good a fixing TVs or other electronics.....
Should I tell you about the times Satan has tried to crawl inside me, and how I blasted his azz to outer darkness? Man that was the scariest,creepiest thing ever.
I give free marital advice too.Some is not so good tho.......
I can tell you how to beat addictions, gout, and arthritis,and hangovers.
Common, somebody cry HELP!.................... I double-dog dare Ya.
Page1
I fix motorcycles, quads, snowmobiles and small engines of all kinds.
I'm a pretty good hands-on guy. Can't say I'll be any good on the net. I love Bible stuff, but my head's a sponge for it, what I mean is I forget where I read it, and not sure I remember exactly what it said, and mostly it leaks out almost as fast as it goes in, so I have to keep going over it; over and over, and over. but after 20 years reading, some of it is starting to stick.
Page 2
So here's food for thought while we're waiting for the questions;
Or I could tell you about how to hang sheet-roc, install hardwood floors, cut down trees, babysit grandkids,and oh yeah BTW, I believe the earth is not what we have been taught. I can install shingles,and repair chimneys. I can tell you a few things to never say to your wife. And what never to say to your kids when they are too young to understand anything but where their next meal is coming from. I'm not very good with home air-conditioners. I blow stuff up in the microwave, and there is such a thing as eating too much popcorn. Too much cola will make your tongue taste really really lousy in the morning, and too much chillie will not go well in the bedroom; get used to flying solo.
Page 3
I have a head full of totally useless junk and here comes some more. Speed limit signs indicate the maximum speed. You can drive slower whenever you want to, no matter how much honking you have to put up with. Airplanes are not anti-gravity machines; gravity does not exist; come on you knew that didn't you. Blood has very special qualities. The life is in the blood. No-blood equals no life. My dad was an atheist. He said humans ran on electricity. When the electricity stopped, then we died. I loved my dad. But there were some things he didn't know and just made up stuff.I think we all do that from time to time. Rocks are heavy, steel is hard.And so is water when you hit it with speed. Even rubber is hard, especially when you hit your head on a tire cuz the hoist is a little low. People never look up! Why is that? Speaking of water; it has the unique property of expanding with temperatures higher than 0*C, AND ,expanding again below freezing. Cool eh. Freezing water has so much power,it can crumble concrete. Falling only hurts when you stop falling. Breaking a hip after age 70s will lead to a long slow death in a hospital; do NOT go to the hospital, people die there. Breathing paint fumes will not make you stupid, you are already stupid. But it won't do your IQ any good. Never say the word fat around your wife. If she says it you are in deep chit; there is no way to escape the solo routine. If you pretend you didn't hear it, your goose is cooked. If you make lite of it ,your goose is cooked. If you agree with her, your goose is soooooo cooked.If you acknowledge that you heard the word, but make light of it, You might as well hang yourself.And if you agree, or disagree, or play dead, it matters not a hoot, she will never forget it; you will be hearing about it until she loses a wheelbarrow full of pounds, and then you are the fat one. And she will never stop giving you grief about it, and if you protest, you guessed it, you're flying solo again.But take heart, sooner or later one of you will die, and it matters not which one, cuz either way you never have to dodge the fat-bullet again.
Ok I made all that stuff up, cuz the more I wrote, the funnier it seemed to me. I told you people make stuff up.....
How far is it to heaven?
Page4
Why does the hot water tank rupture at Christmas Dinner with all the family home? Why does the sewer back up on thanksgiving supper. Where did the giants on the earth before the flood come from? Where did they go? Why are there no giants here today? I'm not making this stuff up. Why does a cat flick her tail? A dog eat it's vomit. What was God thinking when he created skunks.When the wife calls, you better drop every thing and come a-running; or you'll be flying solo again.
page 5
How come:You never see birds flying, or fish swimming, upside down? What does it mean when it says Noah was perfect in all his generations? How tall was Og. How in the world could king Saul send little tiny shepherd boy David, out to meet Goliath? Saul himself was head and shoulders above his men, but he dresses up a little tiny boy to go nose to knee with a giant! That's the dumbest story I ever heard.Why do we believe the sun is 93,000,000 miles away from earth? How do light and heat have the power to travel 93,000,000 miles through the vacuum of space, yeah that's right, the vacuMe neither;so how come the shortest distance between two points is "as the crow flies"? Maybe as the cannon-ball flies.... Speaking of which, "within ear-shot", Who came up with that? What does that even mean? I mean I understand how the phrase is used, and the intent, but what is an ear-shot? I know what is a flu-shot, a shot in the arm,a shot in the dark, a shot of Drambue, a rifle-shot, a shotty nose, and who shot the sherrif; but I know naught about ear-shot. When the wife asks how I like her hair, she is referring to the hair on her head, and you better have an answer ready. In fact you should have a lot of answers made up and ready, or you will be boarding the solo-train..................again. No means no, and after age 50 there are a lotta nos. After age 60 they're almost all nos. In 7 years I'll be 70, I can see the handwriting on the wall; invest in the tracks, cuz the solo-train stops here on a pretty regular schedule now.
page 6
What's up with these days? Do I need to make an appointment? Hello? Anybody here? Helloooooooooo..........looooo....looo.
Listen, I need something to do, or else I get fat and lazy. Somebody, somewhere has got to be needing help on something! Ask me anything.
It doesn't have to be just car related; I know some Bible stuff too.
I can do plumbing, carpentry, and basic household electrical.
I'm no good a fixing TVs or other electronics.....
Should I tell you about the times Satan has tried to crawl inside me, and how I blasted his azz to outer darkness? Man that was the scariest,creepiest thing ever.
I give free marital advice too.Some is not so good tho.......
I can tell you how to beat addictions, gout, and arthritis,and hangovers.
Common, somebody cry HELP!.................... I double-dog dare Ya.
Page1
I fix motorcycles, quads, snowmobiles and small engines of all kinds.
I'm a pretty good hands-on guy. Can't say I'll be any good on the net. I love Bible stuff, but my head's a sponge for it, what I mean is I forget where I read it, and not sure I remember exactly what it said, and mostly it leaks out almost as fast as it goes in, so I have to keep going over it; over and over, and over. but after 20 years reading, some of it is starting to stick.
Page 2
So here's food for thought while we're waiting for the questions;
Or I could tell you about how to hang sheet-roc, install hardwood floors, cut down trees, babysit grandkids,and oh yeah BTW, I believe the earth is not what we have been taught. I can install shingles,and repair chimneys. I can tell you a few things to never say to your wife. And what never to say to your kids when they are too young to understand anything but where their next meal is coming from. I'm not very good with home air-conditioners. I blow stuff up in the microwave, and there is such a thing as eating too much popcorn. Too much cola will make your tongue taste really really lousy in the morning, and too much chillie will not go well in the bedroom; get used to flying solo.
Page 3
I have a head full of totally useless junk and here comes some more. Speed limit signs indicate the maximum speed. You can drive slower whenever you want to, no matter how much honking you have to put up with. Airplanes are not anti-gravity machines; gravity does not exist; come on you knew that didn't you. Blood has very special qualities. The life is in the blood. No-blood equals no life. My dad was an atheist. He said humans ran on electricity. When the electricity stopped, then we died. I loved my dad. But there were some things he didn't know and just made up stuff.I think we all do that from time to time. Rocks are heavy, steel is hard.And so is water when you hit it with speed. Even rubber is hard, especially when you hit your head on a tire cuz the hoist is a little low. People never look up! Why is that? Speaking of water; it has the unique property of expanding with temperatures higher than 0*C, AND ,expanding again below freezing. Cool eh. Freezing water has so much power,it can crumble concrete. Falling only hurts when you stop falling. Breaking a hip after age 70s will lead to a long slow death in a hospital; do NOT go to the hospital, people die there. Breathing paint fumes will not make you stupid, you are already stupid. But it won't do your IQ any good. Never say the word fat around your wife. If she says it you are in deep chit; there is no way to escape the solo routine. If you pretend you didn't hear it, your goose is cooked. If you make lite of it ,your goose is cooked. If you agree with her, your goose is soooooo cooked.If you acknowledge that you heard the word, but make light of it, You might as well hang yourself.And if you agree, or disagree, or play dead, it matters not a hoot, she will never forget it; you will be hearing about it until she loses a wheelbarrow full of pounds, and then you are the fat one. And she will never stop giving you grief about it, and if you protest, you guessed it, you're flying solo again.But take heart, sooner or later one of you will die, and it matters not which one, cuz either way you never have to dodge the fat-bullet again.
Ok I made all that stuff up, cuz the more I wrote, the funnier it seemed to me. I told you people make stuff up.....
How far is it to heaven?
Page4
Why does the hot water tank rupture at Christmas Dinner with all the family home? Why does the sewer back up on thanksgiving supper. Where did the giants on the earth before the flood come from? Where did they go? Why are there no giants here today? I'm not making this stuff up. Why does a cat flick her tail? A dog eat it's vomit. What was God thinking when he created skunks.When the wife calls, you better drop every thing and come a-running; or you'll be flying solo again.
page 5
How come:You never see birds flying, or fish swimming, upside down? What does it mean when it says Noah was perfect in all his generations? How tall was Og. How in the world could king Saul send little tiny shepherd boy David, out to meet Goliath? Saul himself was head and shoulders above his men, but he dresses up a little tiny boy to go nose to knee with a giant! That's the dumbest story I ever heard.Why do we believe the sun is 93,000,000 miles away from earth? How do light and heat have the power to travel 93,000,000 miles through the vacuum of space, yeah that's right, the vacuMe neither;so how come the shortest distance between two points is "as the crow flies"? Maybe as the cannon-ball flies.... Speaking of which, "within ear-shot", Who came up with that? What does that even mean? I mean I understand how the phrase is used, and the intent, but what is an ear-shot? I know what is a flu-shot, a shot in the arm,a shot in the dark, a shot of Drambue, a rifle-shot, a shotty nose, and who shot the sherrif; but I know naught about ear-shot. When the wife asks how I like her hair, she is referring to the hair on her head, and you better have an answer ready. In fact you should have a lot of answers made up and ready, or you will be boarding the solo-train..................again. No means no, and after age 50 there are a lotta nos. After age 60 they're almost all nos. In 7 years I'll be 70, I can see the handwriting on the wall; invest in the tracks, cuz the solo-train stops here on a pretty regular schedule now.
page 6
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