Stole my wife's Cell Phone

Jokes / Humor / Funny Stuff

  1. slant6billy

    slant6billy Well-Known Member

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    Don't think I'm putting up with this crap:

     
  2. jasperjacko

    jasperjacko Well-Known Member

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    You sir, are in trouble!
     
  3. Oldiron440

    Oldiron440 Well-Known Member

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    If she has yours your in trouble! Lol
     
  4. AJ/FormS

    AJ/FormS Well-Known Member

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    I don't have a cell phone and I'm never getting one;
    I get the feeling that they are tracking devices; I mean doesn't Google know where you are to within a few feet, at all times?
    When the Noahide Laws come in, and/or martial law, and you are carrying a phone; Those in high places will know at least three things;
    where the gun-owners are, and
    where the Christians are, and
    what they all have been doing in the past lil while. You might as well paint a big ol' target on yur back.
    And then they will know where every dead body is.

    I got a land-line; with an answering machine.Occasionally I even might answer it. Mostly I delete a lotta telemarketing messages. I unplugged my TV over three years ago, and shortly afterwards, my one-time very expensive, but now just ancient, audio-system. Some days I really miss JR Cash.
    All my kids know my land-line number. Mostly we go to each other's homes and then we talk to each other. So I can see their faces and read their body language, and hug them hello and hug them goodbye.
    My wife has a cell, daymit. I had to get her one so that if in winter she gets stuck in a snowbank,while out working, she can call a towtruck.Well you know how that goes;that was something like 20 years ago, and 4 or 5 or 6 phones later........ Don't call home Honey I can't come and get you, remember we sold the other car to get you a daymn phone. Just cuz we're married,doesn't mean I gotta take chit from her;
    Talk to the hand Honey, cuz my ears are on vacation.... Dear. What? No I don't have time to make supper.That's women's work; get the car home and I'll check it out and clean the snow and ice out from under the hood, so we still have a car tomorrow; you know; man's work. Remember the deal we made?; you do the inside work, and I do the outside work. What? Honey; who put three coats of paint on our two-story house three years ago in the summer I turned 64? Who was on the step-ladder, on top of the scaffolding, hanging onto the angel's wings to reach the peak? Was that you? No, I didn't think so. Who painted the deck the following summer, and graveled the driveway; Was that you? Who put brakes and tires on your car, and paid extra to get you a crossover CUV instead of a perfectly adequate sedan or hatch? Oh and btw who makes sure the engine has enough oil in it every week; is that you wiping the dipstick. Who mows the grass and cleans/ installs the storm windows every fall, and installs/removes the window shakers? Is that your strong back climbing up and down the ladder? No, that would be my fatazz. Speaking of fat, why is it that we are so overweight? Could it be because I haven't gotten my exercise for 12 years, two months three weeks and two days? What's your excuse? Make yur own daymn supper, I did.

    BTW Nice throttle response,lol.
     
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  5. Oldiron440

    Oldiron440 Well-Known Member

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    WOW, there is one in every crowd....
     
  6. XfbodyX

    XfbodyX Well-Known Member

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    I think your safe AJ, No one will come for your maple syrup reserve.
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2019
  7. slant6billy

    slant6billy Well-Known Member

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    We weren't really cell phone people. I've got a work cell and that's it. My wife had a slider phone up till last year. We had to upgrade to a high falute'n cell phone for her as we were thrust into dealing with a lawyer and the circumstance around her sister's death (just a weird unbelievable tragedy). We had to document stuff with photos and send it all to the lawyer. Needed something that could search the web, get info, and take photos and videos. We had to catch folks being dishonest. We had to show photos and videos to the police and send them all kinds of stuff. A crap phone was not going to cut it. Then my kid is taking college courses. Yep, needs a "smart" phone for all kinds of school stuff or it puts her at am extreme disadvantage. In fact the middleschool and highschool have all kinds of phone based apps for the kids. So it has become a necessity. Interesting thing, the video is higher def than my old Iphone. The 2 and a 1/2 upload took forever- another newer phone feature. I still use my kid's old hello kitty phone with camera and my go pro. Otherwise, my cell use is for work.
     
  8. XfbodyX

    XfbodyX Well-Known Member

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    I just went from a 8 year old 3g blackberry type (but a cheap copy) to a bit more then an entry level 4g phone, a moto e5 plus, its great and I should of done it a couple years ago. I dont play with it or hang on it but the apps and features are useful.

    My bank is 200 miles from me so the mobile banking app will offset 1/3 of my costs I spend mailing things to my bank.
     
  9. kkritsilas

    kkritsilas Well-Known Member

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    Google not only knows from your phone, they know even when you have your privacy settings turned off to not allow tracking, because they over-ride the privacy settings.

    Google is not, however, the only cell phone provider. There's a little, almost $1 Trillion dollar company called Apple that also makes cell phones, and they are better with privacy than Google. Just don't get an iPhone, and load it up with Google Apps (Chrome, Gmail, or Maps), or you've defeated the purpose of getting an iPhone in the first place.
     
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  10. AJ/FormS

    AJ/FormS Well-Known Member

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    Yeah and now they have smart TVs. And smart coffee makers; and all kinds of smart devices. They're smart all right. Did you know that when you turn off your smart tv, the only thing you turn off is the picture? That plick is still sucking electrons at almost full power; Gee I wonder what it's doing? Are they watching me? Are they listening? Am I paranoid? I guess we'll see soon enough. Noahide Laws are coming. If you are a Christian, be afraid; very afraid.

    EDIT
    If you are a pagan, no worries, it will not affect you, unless you truly are big-mouth. The Lake of Fire will wait for you no matter what, but at least "Israel/ the NWO" won't behead you;
    so the 50% or so of you who smoke, can still stink up the entrance-ways and foyers to all my one-time favorite restaurants. And p-lease; that cigarette you just smoked will follow you around for at least another 15 minutes.
    That's OK , I found a new restaurant with no foyer, and I go there while you are still working, so Hooray for semi-retirement. And the bonus is I'm liking the food, and I've known most of the staff since they were kids, so Hooray for getting old. Sometimes they cut me a deal, and sometimes a free-meal, so Hooray for loyal patronage. So I bring friends. No they don't get the deal, jus me.
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2019
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  11. Oldiron440

    Oldiron440 Well-Known Member

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    It's your microwave that's watching you, I thought everyone knew that.......
    LOL
     
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  12. kkritsilas

    kkritsilas Well-Known Member

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    Many ioT devices are constantly on, and monitoring things. Recent revelations from Google, Amazon, and Apple confirm this. Google has stated, flat out, that Android phones are reporting their location to Google, even with location history off and the highest privacy settings on. People get so concerned about IoT devices, yet buy Android phones that are doing the same thing. There are technical reasons for this, and for those who are concerned about it, the solution is quite simple: don't buy the devices. In the case of Smart TVs, the solution is also simple: don't connect them to a network (wired or wireless). If you know your way around computer networks, you can connect them to a network and have them not send out data, but its fairly involved. As I said before, easiest thing is to just not buy/use the "smart" devices if you are concerned about privacy.

    And lest you think this is a pro Apple rant, note that Apple did the same thing. They do however, unlike Android, do not override the privacy settings on iPhones.
     
  13. volare 77

    volare 77 Well-Known Member

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    hmmmmm......
     
  14. Oldiron440

    Oldiron440 Well-Known Member

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    O what a paranoid Web we weave.
     
  15. kkritsilas

    kkritsilas Well-Known Member

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    All of this is a byproduct to make money off of anybody using the Internet, regardless if it is morally/ethically, and in some cases legally right to do so. The big Internet companies want to "monetize" the Internet on every possible way. Whether that involves trampling all over users' privacy, so be it, as long as the maximum amount of revenue is generated. That is today's reality on the Internet.
     
  16. XfbodyX

    XfbodyX Well-Known Member

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    Not to forget the internet gods, the 13 root servers. which is really 130 servers. And it gets even more crazy many never heard of the internet 2 About Us | Internet2 which none of use will ever use.

    And whats really creepy is the whole arpanet and still to this day the doomsday guys are sending packets long distance via shortwave am. I llive very very rural and there is alot of odd stuff going on wifi related and I chsed it for a few years and come up with someone must have an old military box but then went on to learn what at one time would of bee fitted in the back of a truck the size of a small camper now can be had virtually in a simple usb dongle.

    Ive always been kinda a nerd on old tube shortwave radios but not that to with SDR in dongle size or pack of cigg sized units NOTHING is safe or secure. Now for $200 from china you can hack/listen to nearly anything commercially produced.

    Its all very creepy, anyone wanting to be off the grid would never be reading this here.

    All the talk about the dark web, its not dark, they just dont want people to use it.

    I dont need security cameras, I know most everything that goes on within a 2 mile radius of my home/property. Unless one comes in naked, I know when ups is near, I know when they are in my driveway, I know when my neighbors leave for work each day, I know when some use the "smart" washer or dryer. I know when the cops writing tickets and using there in car printer, ect.... and anyone can do tis as well. All with a 2 mile wifi antenna thats $15 from china.

    Its nuts.

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    Last edited: Oct 5, 2019
  17. Aspen500

    Aspen500 Well-Known Member

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    That is one reason of many I always use a VPN (Norton with LifeLock in my case). Everything I send or receive is encrypted. If the info and data is intercepted, it's nothing but jibberish. Since starting to use it, my spam email has dropped to almost zero, among other things. Basically, I feel much safer on-line in every aspect.
     
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