Favorite stand-up comedy jokes?

SlantSixSullivan

SlantSixSullivan

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"I was driving down the street and I saw a gas station with two signs in the window: Help wanted and self service. So I went in and hired myself." -Steven Wright

So I'm falling asleep at work, I hope this thread takes off.
 
Not a joke -- but I was out working on the cordwood walls for the house. Here a scream of agony.
I go check and apparently the pump froze and there is no water to flush toilets, wash dishes or take showers.
No joke.
I'm now hauling water upstairs to clean up things until I can get parts tomorrow.
Just got back from getting a new pump.

So today was like the gods playing a joke on me. lol
 
Justwondering said:
Not a joke -- but I was out working on the cordwood walls for the house. Here a scream of agony.
I go check and apparently the pump froze and there is no water to flush toilets, wash dishes or take showers.
No joke.
I'm now hauling water upstairs to clean up things until I can get parts tomorrow.
Just got back from getting a new pump.

So today was like the gods playing a joke on me. lol
Click to expand...
Your pump froze? In Texas? I'm in Ohio, and *knocks on wood* luckily I've never had my pump freeze! Now, I have had water lines freeze.. (single wide trailer). Crawl under the porch with a torpedo heater and some heat tape... Fun!
 
Wheel bearings seized up. Didn't get cold, got hot/rusted/or lubrication failed.

Always refer to it as frozen since I can't rotate the motor manually. But I can see how frozen might lead you to the 'too cold' concept.

You have my admiration for crawling under the porch in cold weather. That is one cold sucker to resolve in bad weather.
 
Justwondering said:
Wheel bearings seized up. Didn't get cold, got hot/rusted/or lubrication failed.

Always refer to it as frozen since I can't rotate the motor manually. But I can see how frozen might lead you to the 'too cold' concept.

You have my admiration for crawling under the porch in cold weather. That is one cold sucker to resolve in bad weather.
Click to expand...
Gotta do what ya gotta do to get yourself a hot shower!
 
I know this is on here already but here's a whole bunch of stand up comedy jokes while sitting down:
 
Here's a good one:

"Know anybody from East Liverpool Ohio?"
"Well... yeah.."
"Boy, that's a shame..."

Greg <- From East End in Liverpool.....
 
Something something .. we were so poor growing up if I wasn't born a boy I wouldn't of had anything to play with. Was hoping to hear that one.
Good ole Rodney !!
 
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