GOD heard the prayers ... and answered with a NON cancerous tumor... She is not ready to be an ANGEL of GOD yet ... HER time is not done on this earth .. ENJOY your wife/life .
Yes, God did hear our prayers with the tumor being non-cancerous. But... If the surgeon missed even a microscopic piece, then there's a real possibility it may grow back. With such a small case history we have no idea. There's also a chance it could grow back even if he didn't miss a piece. Again, we don't know.
I'm not trying to be contrary, I'm being a realist. And realistically, my wife may not come out of this. It's a reality I've come to accept over the course of the past few weeks. It doesn't mean that I've given up hope. As long as she's fighting, I'm gonna stay right here and fight along side her, encouraging her along the way, and helping her dig deep for the strength I know she has - a strength that is God given. That's not to say that I don't agree with you, I'm saying my theology is just a bit different.
There's so much that has to play out in our favor for Sarah to come out of this whole and healthy. The swelling on the stem is the biggest concern. The longer the swelling is there the greater chances of damage lying underneath. Sarah's never been afraid of dying. Her biggest concern has always been being damaged. Damaged to an extent in which she can't live her life fully... As an occupational therapist she's worked with folks with severe damage. That's not what she wants. And if it comes right down to it, I'll be the voice she doesn't have right now to say when's enough. It's what she wants me to be able to do for her.
Our prayers aren't always answered to our benefit in a tangible way. The clarity of the answers we do get may not be seen for weeks, months, or even years. If Sarah decides to go Home, then it will be to her glory, to be able to walk with God in eternity, to be able to hold hands with our daughter, Katie, finally.
Over the past nine years, when folks - well meaning, but rather clueless - say to us, "It was God's Will" that we lost Katie. Sarah and my's theology says different. God's Will created Paradise, for us to walk with Him in companionship forever. When sin entered Eden, the world became broken. We lost Katie as a result of a broken world. Sarah developed a tumor as a result of the same broken world. The results of the tumor, which are still in full effect with lying in a coma, are the results of a broken world.
I agree with that her time here isn't done yet. Not at this moment. In her situation, tomorrow's decisions may necessarily be different than today's. I can't plan ahead any further than that. I truly believe that God gave her a choice, though. Two weeks ago, a peace that I've never felt enveloped me. All was right. One way or another, all was right. Sarah wasn't responding. Her heart rate was in the 30's, even going into the 20's on occasion. Her blood pressure was erratic. Her body temperature was all over the place. There was nothing to do but say goodbye. Then, the next day, she was moving. She actually reached up and grabbed the nurse's wrist when he pinched her. She was pulling at her tubes enough that she wound up with mittens on to protect herself.
That peace? I truly believe that God was telling me she was in His hands, completely, totally, removed from the world, removed from the pain she's in. And He gave her a choice: come Home or stay. And if she wants to stay, He'd give her the strength to be able to fight.
She's been around for almost two weeks now since that happened. God is Grand! God is Glorious! But, she may decide, later on, that's she's fought on long enough, fought on hard enough, and that's she's run out of fight. And still God will be Grand! God will be Glorious!
And that's where I am. Every day. Because I can only take every day as it comes, and listen to what my wife is telling me.
I'm not being defeatist. My prayers are still that she'll wake up and be able to laugh with me, talk with me, let me hold her like she likes for me to hold her, in that way that makes her feel special. My prayers are still that God makes her whole and complete, brings my wife back to me. I pray that he gives me the strength and the discernment to be able to make the right decisions. Oh, no, I haven't given hope, I haven't given up my prayers, and I most assuredly haven't given up my Faith in Him.
